


The Things We Aren't

by NoirBlanc333



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Dean Winchester, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Masturbation, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29627244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirBlanc333/pseuds/NoirBlanc333
Summary: Dean Winchester isn't gay, but sometimes you need a certain blue eyed angel's help, and more.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	The Things We Aren't

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make sure I included a clear warning before you start reading. In the beginning, there is a bit of underage teenage sex. If you would like to imagine the characters as a different age, that is perfectly fine. Second, there are some very present homophobic themes throughout this book, fair warning! You will also encounter homophobic slurs. One such instance is in the first chapter. Finally, violence, because this is SPN folks. There may be some more additional warnings; I will try to remember to write a warning before any such chapters. PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS!!

_“My dad is gonna be back soon. We have to stop.” Dean groans into the older boy’s neck, his breath coming out in short pants as they rock their bodies into each other._

_“It’ll be fine. That feels good, doesn’t it?” His hair is dark, and his eyes match, except for the lust that lights them up in the dimly lit, run-down house._

_“Yeah, so fucking good. But my brother is-” The teen presses his lips against Dean’s, effectively silencing any protests he had._

_“You’ll just have to be quiet if you don’t want to wake him up.” Dean nods eagerly, letting his worries slip away. Sam went to bed hours ago, and John was probably at some bar getting wasted just like always._

_“God, Dean, you’re so pretty. Prettier than any girl out there. I knew I had to have you, my pretty boy.” The younger boy blushes at his words. He had been called “hot” and “sexy”, but no one ever called him pretty. Their clothes were hastily pushed away, just enough exposed skin for them to rub against. Cocks slide past each other perfectly, creating mind-numbing friction._

_“Oh shit, please, I’m so close.” Dean whines, clawing his short blunt nails down his back. Their sweat and precum slicked their connected skin. Both boys lose themselves in the pleasure, groaning and grunting, the soft squeaking of the bed below them. Deans shuts his eyes, almost the-._

_“What the hell?!” A voice booms from the now open doorway, Dean freezes, and a chill runs up his spine. They scramble away from each other, their previous erections already flagging._

_“D-dad it’s not-_

_“Get out.” John Winchester points at the cowering boy who was rushing to pull his jeans back on. Dean keeps quiet, his eyes wide with fear as he watches Stephen race out of the house, leaving him alone._

_“Are you a faggot, Dean? Do you like touching other boys?” John makes his way to his son, grabbing him by his nape._

_“No, Sir.”_

_“There are a few things worse than being a fag, Dean. One of them is being a liar. You aren’t lying to me, right?” Dean can smell the alcohol on his father’s breath._

_“No, Sir.”_

_“Then explain to me what I just saw?” When John Winchester got quiet with his anger, you knew you were truly fucked._

_“I was just messing around, Dad. It wasn’t like that.”_

_“It wasn’t like what? Because it sounds like you’re telling me you let that boy turn you into a faggot, and it definitely sounded like you liked it, Dean.” The words get lodged in Dean’s throat._

_“Just be honest with me. What else did you do with him? Maybe you got on your knees? Or did you just let him fuck you?” Dean’s hands are shaking by his sides as his father’s grip on his neck tightens._

_“No, I didn’t! I’m not gay, Dad!”_

_“Don’t call me that. No son of mine is one of those abominations; unnatural is what you are. There is only one way you’re going to learn your lesson.”_

_“I’m sorry, please don’t do this. I’m sorry.” John Winchester looks down at his pleading son. Where did he go wrong? He unbuckles his belt as he throws Dean on the floor._

_“Take off your shirt.” There is a moment where Dean considers defying his father, but that wouldn’t end any better than this would._

_“Yes, sir.” Dean whispers pathetically, looking at the ground, holding back tears. He deserved this. He couldn’t be gay. Dean screws his eyes shut at the whistle of a belt cutting through the air._

_After the first ten lashes, Dean couldn’t stop himself from screaming. After fifteen, he could feel the blood trickling into his waistband and soaking the material. And after twenty? He was fading in and out of consciousness._

_“Boy.” Dean struggles to meet his father’s eyes, his vision swimming. John shakes his head before pulling back his arm, Deans braces himself for the impact._

_“Dad?” Sam calls from the hall. John stops at the sound of his youngest’s voice._

_“Yeah, Sam?”_

_“Is Dean okay? I heard screaming and yelling.” Dean silently pleads for Sam to stay in the hall. He doesn’t need to see this._

_“I’m fine, Sammy. Go back to sleep. You have school in the morning.” He tries his best not to slur the words because Sam was eleven, not stupid._

_“Are you sure, Dean?”_

_“He said he’s fine, Sam. Stop being a baby, you’re too old for that.” There’s a brief moment of silence before the pattering of feet, and the shutting of a door can be heard._

_“Hear that? You’re being too loud. You better hope he didn’t hear that shit you were doing earlier.” John stops and thinks for a moment._

_“You better have not been touching him, Dean. If I suspect you’ve ever even looked at him wrong, I’ll kill you, boy.”_

_“I would never. Sam is my brother, and I like girls, dad, I really do.” Dean cries out desperately. Did his dad think he could really do something like that? And Dean knew he liked girls, there was no doubt. He wasn’t gay._

_“I wish I could believe you, Dean,” John sighs, and Dean’s face is full of fear._

  
“Fuck, sweetheart, just like that.” Dean runs his hand through the redhead’s hair. She strokes his thighs, moaning around his dick.

“Wanna try something?” 

“What did you have in mind?” She smiles before swallowing him back down her throat. Dean’s eyes spring open in shock as he feels a finger rubbing his entrance. His toes curl, and he lets out a soft whimper.

Dean can feel his back arching off the bed. He had never touched himself _there_ , let alone had anyone else do it. It felt incredible, just one slick finger circling and gently pressing in. She pulls her hand away, and Dean almost cries at the loss of contact. He feels her fingers dip into the pool of cooling precum on his stomach.

“What- Oh…” Letting out a breathless moan, Dean lets himself sink back into the mattress as her finger returns to its previous ministrations. Except now, she pushes in with more conviction, abandoning her teasing from earlier.

At first, the finger just felt slightly out of place, but good nonetheless. Then suddenly, Dean saw stars. Forgetting about any inhibitions, he lets himself cry out in pleasure. God, what was that? And why did it feel so good?

His vision was swimming with unshed tears, head throwback, and mouth in a perfect “o”. For the first time in years, Dean felt like he was going to cum first. Vaguely, he knew he must be extremely loud as he searched for something, _anything_ to grip on to.

“You sound like you like it, so sensitive.” Dean freezes at the familiarity of her words. Just like that, his impending orgasm was gone.

“Leave.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just teasing. That’s not a bad thing, it’s cute.”

“I _said_ , leave. Get the fuck out.” Her brows furrowed in confusion. Dean couldn’t care less. With every second that passed, the walls closed in, and the air was being sucked out of the room. 

“I thought we were having a good time, but alright.” She picks up her scattered clothes and puts them on in silence, shutting the hotel room door behind her.

_“It definitely sounded like you liked it, Dean.”_

_“Are you a faggot, Dean? Do you like touching other boys?”_

“I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not.” Dean mutters over and over. Rocking on the bed with tears running down his face, his heart racing, and out of breath.

He knew he was having a panic attack. That much was obvious. Luckily for him, Sammy was gone. Which was precisely why he had decided to bring her home. He had the whole room to himself and nothing else to do.

“I’m not a faggot. I’m not gay. I’m not.” 

_You liked it, didn’t you? It doesn’t matter if she wasn’t a man._

He doesn’t know how much time he spent naked curled into a ball on that bed, but his skin is covered in goosebumps, and the sweat on his skin has cooled. Dean opens his eyes, his father wasn’t here, and he wasn’t back there.

It takes Dean a month of denial before deciding to browse the internet for anything about anal sex. After finding out about the prostate and the fact that many straight men enjoyed having them stimulated, he forgot about it.

“I’m going to go out for a while. Feel free to indulge in your man-whorish ways while I’m not present.” Sam snarks over his shoulder as he leaves their motel room.

Ever since that redhead from North Carolina, Dean hadn’t slept with anyone. Sam didn’t need to know anything about that, though. It did seem like Sam was a psychic because Dean was horny.

Deciding to take Sam up on his offer, Dean shuffled out of his clothes, running his hands up and down his body. With Sam gone, he had plenty of time to squeeze in two or three orgasms and some quality Dr. Sexy time.

His body wasn’t getting on board with the program. He was hard, yet it wasn’t enough. There was a simple solution to this. He always just watched a bit of porn. A girl with a nice ass getting fucked was just what he needed.

After turning on the tv and switching to the hotel’s porn channel, Dean got comfortable, stroking his cock again. Red, swollen lips wrapped around a very well endowed man fill the screen. The mouth bobs up and down, exposing pulsing veins and a flushed and turgid dick, beautiful. Dean doesn’t linger on the fact he called another man’s penis beautiful or the fact he was more focused on the cock than the action itself.

The mouth pulls off with a wet and audible pop. There is the standard shifting of angles as the actors move into a different position. Just like before, it’s a close-up shot of the man sinking his finger into her ass. Anal? Dean hadn’t expected anal. 

He feels himself twitch below, further below than usual. Plenty of straight guys liked anal. There was nothing wrong with this. Dean drops his hand further down, rubbing the soft wrinkled skin below with the pad of his middle finger. There’s more friction than before; it was too dry. He sucks on two fingers and gets back to work.

Dean hisses at the instant pleasure, he wasn’t even touching his prostate, and it felt this good? Was this normal? The questions float around in his subconscious, but he ignores them. Right now, all his focus was on following the two actors on screen. His hips have a mind of their own, bucking into his hands, ceaselessly searching for more pleasure.

Soon enough, he’s fingering himself. Dean’s legs are shamelessly spread on the bed, one hand fumbling around inside himself and the other furiously jerking himself off. His quest for that spot that made him see stars is fruitless, but just the slide of the fingers up his ass was doing plenty. His eyes flicker back up to the TV.

“You like that? My cock inside you?” Dean flushes at the words as the man really starts to fuck into the girl. Pulling his knees further up, Dean tries to imitate the woman being bent in half. That would be able to hit his prostate with ease, Dean thinks.

Dean bites down on his lip to stop a repeat from North Carolina. He didn’t get to cum last time, and he was so close now. The world is static as he finally reaches that high he was looking for. Dean can feel himself lift off the bed and squeeze his legs shut as a warm splash of cum lands on him.

“That was intense.” He mumbles after finally gathering his bearings. His fingers are still buried in him. The ring of muscle around them twitches with the aftershocks.

Dean snatches his hand out. A wet suctioning sound follows the action. He unconsciously clenches as though his body was confused why it was suddenly so empty. Stumbling his way into the shower on weak legs, Dean lets the freezing cold water beat down on him, running down his back where there were once scars.

“I’m not gay.” He whispers to no one as he spirals.

_Liar._

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped y'all enjoyed! Feel free to leave a comment with some feedback or ask me any questions. You can always contact me on my tumblr: noirblanc333


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